[.001]

The freedom to express my thoughts and emotions has been restricted even more since I was admitted into Dorthea Dix Mental Institution little over two weeks ago. My situation is such that I have to lie and make the staff believe that I feel better about myself and won't attempt suicide again in order to be dismissed.

To add to the emotional stress of this already smothering situation, I have once more tied myself to Sandra and am again in a dating relationship with her. I love her tremendously and I fully realize after having oodles of time to think while in the nut house that she is the one I genuinely wish to spend as much time with as possible, I know that we aren't healthy for one another and I feel that this isn't the best start to a change that's being demanded of me from every direction.

However, it's quite obvious that I do not take my own advance nor do I listen to my instincts. This entire experience has been one that I'd gladly like to forget, but know I never will and that sheer prospect is unsettling and enough to drive me to attempt suicide again. I'll just need to find a more effective approach other than overdose because even with 103 pills, I'm still alive and kicking.